What Leadership Seminars Get All Wrong

If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time.

There’s a model of positive psychology that’s simple, actionable, and reshapes how we think about goals and happiness—for ourselves and our teams.

Questions like “How do you define success?” and “What’s your ‘why’?” are popular at leadership seminars. One of my friends from the UK has an understated way of expressing frustration. Instead of blowing up in anger, he’ll say, amplifying his British accent: “This is incredibly irritating.”

Well, when I attend these seminars, I find these questions incredibly irritating.

They’re too personal. These are questions you want to ponder on your own. Find a quiet room or go on a walk, perhaps on a Sunday morning with a cup of coffee.

I dislike acronyms. But when it comes to asking deep questions about happiness, there’s one acronym from positive psychology that I love: The PERMA Model.

The PERMA Model

The PERMA Model was developed by Martin Seligman, who’s considered the founder of positive psychology.

PERMA describes five dimensions of happiness:

• Positive emotions

• Engagement

• Relationships

• Meaning

• Accomplishments

The key takeaway is that happiness is not just about positive emotions. Laughter, pride, getting “likes” on social media, enjoying a great bottle of wine, and other short-term joys are satisfying, but these emotions aren’t nourishing. They’re like sugar highs for the soul.

Moreover, some people are more predisposed to experience positive emotions than others. Think about that for a second. It seems incredibly unfair, doesn’t it? Aren’t some people you know mostly cheerful, while others tend to walk around with a dark cloud over their head?

Seligman explains that Cheerfulness is normally distributed in the human population. That means that there are three billion people in the world right now who don’t feel happy, or merry, or cheerful.

Focusing on the ERMA Part of PERMA Model

Seligman explains that if focus on gratitude and other wellness practices, you can climb the distribution by about 10-15%. “I know tricks to get you to live in the upper part of a set range,” he says.

The crucial part of this sentence is “of a set range.” Given this limited upside, and for many other reasons, we need to expand the definition of happiness beyond positive emotions (P), with the ERMA part of the model.

There isn’t much you can do about your biologically endowed happiness, but ERMA is entirely within your control.

Here are some questions to help frame positive psychology in practical terms, whether you’re seeking self-improvement or leading others::

This grid is perhaps the best example of important-but-not-urgent work most organizations never get to. These aren’t questions you ponder between two emails. They require a block of time, a calm state of mind, and in my case, strong coffee.

At the team level, think of this grid as offsite questions. Convene your team for a day somewhere outside the office. Print a copy of this grid for each team member. Maybe hire an experienced moderator.

And if you’re brave enough to risk a mutiny, ask everyone to shut off their cell phone for the day.

Of course, positive psychology goes beyond asking questions. It provides answers. It reveals that people thrive when they:

• Engage in tasks that are challenging yet match their capabilities

• Maintain positive relationships with people around them

• Find meaning and accomplishment in their work

• Eat a reasonably good diet, sleep well, and exercise

Nothing is surprising or ground-breaking here. But these conditions for thriving are timeless and often underappreciated in the traditional approach to setting goals, especially in a business context. And remember what writer Edith Wharton said:

"If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time."

Seb

References:

Seligman, M. E. P. (2013). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and wellbeing. Atria Paperback.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2012). Wellbeing before learning. Online video : thinkersinresidence.Seligman, M. E. P. (2018). PERMA and the building blocks of wellbeing.